The Spotless Mind

Pretending it wasn’t over, was not going to be much use,
For, to feign forgetfulness, was not his cleverest ruse,
The floods had stopped, but the wreckage remained,
And everything around him, had forever been stained.

Over time, even the wreckage, may finally get cleaned,
But the scars, he knew not, on whose side they leaned,
They seem engraved, every time he remembers them,
And seem to fade, every time he begins to forget them.

He never seemed to know, was she a moment, was she a memory,
Whether what he remembered, was the reality or just a story,
And those mementoes, supposed monuments of romantic eternity,
Were they all fake, or just piercing questions about his own sanity.

The separation should be clean and final, they both did agree,
But memories are no verdicts, that any court can decree,
Nobody can fairly expect thoughts to suddenly vanish,
Even if they determined to steadfastly try and banish.

Did she too think as often about him, he wondered,
Because every so often, towards her, his mind wandered,
Did she ever think,of walking back the track,
Like he did, every moment of wanting her back.

Like a chain, every single memory clung onto the next,
Unable to get them to leave, to forget he had no pretext,
He understood how she must have felt, unable to forget,
But somehow, not remorsive enough to merit any regret.

Helps not time, the more it passes, darker grows the stain,
No sooner does he forget, it can’t wait, to remind him again,
How simplerΒ  life would be, if he could leave her behind,
And start afresh, a new beginning with a spotless mind.

This one is dedicated to the next in the KiDNAP list Komal. Will the Beacons never stop? Hopefully i will get over them when the next two get posted and done with. Somehow kid myself that this is the way it will always be. Somehow end up not getting fooled at all.

This one is about a crisis that most of us face. Assuming an impossibility that i would face such a situation, this was a kind of intrapolation of how i would react and what i would require to survive thereafter.

4 Responses to “The Spotless Mind”

  1. gaizabonts Says:

    Did she too think as often about him, he wondered,
    Because every so often, towards her, his mind wandered,
    Did she ever think,of walking back the track,
    Like he did, every moment of wanting her back.

    I have often wondered about this. Is the moment when we parted ways so determinant of our future – is that the only point where we can restart? is there no convergence ahead, in the future? Are we doomed to start only from where we left off? are we afraid of those gaps? Does a fresh start necessarily mean being alone?

    Thank you for this wonderful piece. I am able to see better πŸ™‚

  2. guptaghost Says:

    is there such a thing called a miracle? although i already received many confirmations of such an occurence, you gave me another such confirmation. πŸ™‚ (i seriously never believed you would come anywhere near my blog, let alone comment).

    Me too(the wondering part). What i believe is this – There are two broad possibilities once a bond seems to start to break, or is known to have emotionally broken.

    1. Both the concerned parties don’t want to continue together any further.

    2. One of them doesn’t want to continue in the relationship.

    This poem was about a case when both them assume they don’t want or cannot continue in th relationship, and then realise(or atleast one of them realises, and assumes the other feels similarly) that they were better off together, and that separation was something that neither were either prepared for, nor want to be condemned in.

    So the treatment of the characters was more in tune with that. Personally though, i believe that the point of divergence is just another point of reference, only that it happens to be a better known point of reference(sort of like a highway and a bylane are both paths leading somewhere, but a highway is more easier to direct someone to, because of certain characteristics it possesses).

    in life, this divergence just happens to be that prominent point of reference, that we tend to keep trying to relate all that happens afterwards to how it relates to the divergence(like a detour form a National Highway onto a State Highway onto a Muncipality road, and further on, and when we realise we need to go elsewhere, it always leads back to the highway, either if we lose our way, or if we need to go elsewhere).

    can we break away from it? i would say there is a great possibility, but less probability. those who can fly never need use the highway or any road for that matter. those with wings have a completely different set of reference points.

    thanks are actually due to you, for commenting. Because it is not often that i get to explain the reason & reasoning behind a poem(i usually restrict myself to the extent of the answer that i believe a comment deserves[and i usually do not get comments that elicit more than a thank you from me).

    so it is you i must thank. πŸ™‚

  3. gaizabonts Says:

    I think you are being far too generous. I do read your posts, even though I am sure your dashboard says otherwise. I read them in my RSS reader. I am not very well known for my comments on other blogs anyways, which I hope to change soon!

    Perhaps we give the name of a miracle to that which is mundane. πŸ™‚

    I am not sure how much you are into Hindi film music (the oldies), but the thought that crossed when I was reading this was the song by Mahendra Kapoor in Hamraaz.

    “Chalo ek baar fir se, ajnabi ban jaye, hum dono”

    It is a request for a restart, of sorts. i.e. let the past lay behind us, lets start afresh. And another line in the same song, about letting go of the past:

    “Woh afsaana jise anjaam tak laana na ho mumkin/use ek khoobsoorat mod de kar chhodna achha”

    I re-read your post again, in the context of this song, liked it even more! πŸ™‚

    Cheers and see you around!

  4. guptaghost Says:

    thanx for revisiting πŸ™‚

    but surely a miracle is only the most inexplicable of the mundane.

    and never was much into hindi film music(am nowadays however getting to get a taste of the ‘oldies’,have always kept away because of my unfamiliarity with the language)

    nice to know it atleast reminds someone of something.

    Cheers to you too, and yes,i do hope i see you around(my friendly neighborhood blogger πŸ™‚ ).

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